2004-04-30
I'm feeling very worried.My baby has not been too active since yesterday and it's kind of freaking me out. I've cried and prayed and I still only get a small kick every once in a while, when earlier in the week it seemed he'd be constantly kicking.
I hate all this worrying all the time. I'm always afraid my baby is dead. I'm sure in reality he's fine, maybe resting, or maybe faced the other way so that I can't really feel his kicks, but I always have this underlying feeling that something is wrong. I wish this feeling would go away. I'm tired of calling my dr in a panic, getting to her office only to discover that everything is alright. Yes the situation of my cervix is critical, but the baby is fine.
I feel like a hyper-paranoid worry-wart that is getting on everyones nerves, but I need reasurance all the time. After everything that happened before, I need to be reasurred that everything is alright and when the baby was dancing a jig on my bladder or kicking the heck out of my belly button I felt that it was going to be just fine. I felt like I had proof of that. But now that it is only back to a small flutter every now and then, I feel scared.
I won't be able to rest easy until this little one is in my arms, screaming strongly and flapping his little arms and legs. And to think I still have 17 more weeks of this worrysome, doomsday feeling is almost more than I can bear at times.
But then I think after he is born I will probably be the type to go into his room and make sure he's breathing and alive all the time. I don't want to be paranoid about him all the time. I want to be positive and calm and sure that everything is going good.
Does this happen, this period of lessened movement? Is it normal? I don't know, but I don't know what to do. Maybe investigate it on the internet, or ask my friend that just had a baby. Or maybe I'll call my dr.
Again.