2004-03-25
I really get tired of all the eyes on me at work. I feel like everyone is always watching me, just waiting for me to do something wrong.Paranoid, I know.
I think the problem is that I'm taking work way too seriously. Why should I? Nobody else does. They all do the minimum and wait for someone to do the rest (I feel like that someone is me.) I work my a$$ off and run around like a chicken with no head trying to be perfect and making sure everything is done just right and as soon as I do just one little thing wrong, or get an "attitude" because I am so frustrated I get jumped on. Talked to. If I have to sit through one more meeting about myself and how I can be better, I will scream. Everyday I go to work thinking that it will be my last. I'm sure they will fire me soon. Just another one of my bad feelings.
I'm begining to hate work and my co-workers. And I hate to hate. The only person that hate effects is me and right now it's really eating at me. I can feel it surrounding me like black cloud and it's effecting me and my work. It's making me respond to people in a way that is making everyone feel bad. Even innocent bystanders. I spend too many hours at work for it to be crappy.
I can't keep putting myself through all this stress. It is not good for me and it is horrible for the baby. I have enough to worry about with the pregnancy and trying to keep healthy without worring about a bunch of jerks that just want to look good to the boss by tattling on someone.
I need to start taking it easy. I need to just focus on doing my best, which I know is awesome, and not take work and people so seriously and focus on what I like best about my job - my patients. Yes, working with the public is a b*tch sometimes, but who can resist a little old man or woman who wants to hold your arm when you lead them to the lab. Not me.
I hope I still have a job tomorrow!