2004-03-20
Physically, I'm finally better. Mentally, I'm not doing so good.I keep getting this scary feeling that I'm no longer pregnant. I have not felt the baby at all. No flutter, not gas bubbly feelings, nothing. I'm only 17 weeks along, and I know in my brain that it's still pretty early, but I keep feeling like I should be having some sort of something happening in my tummy. I'm so scared.
My cold finally let up and I was feeling better, but then on Wednesday night I got a raging flu type bug. Everything coming out of everyplace even when I thought I had no more in me. I was so dehydrated by Thursday and running a low grade fever of about 100*. I've worried ever since that the baby was harmed in some way.
Maybe it's just getting so close to the time that I lost the last baby that I'm freaking out. I try to tell myself that but other thoughts just keep taking over. I really want to call my dr, but I feel like I'll come off like a drama queen and they'll just think that I'm worring over nothing. I really don't have anyone to talk to about this, I don't want to worry E or my mom. I just want to cry. I don't know what to do. I prayed this afternoon and asked God to give me a sign of some sort. I havn't gotten one but I'll keep waiting.
Lots of women have healthy babies after a miscarriage. Why should I be any different? Everything will probably be fine. I'm just worrying over nothing.
That's what I keep trying to tell myself.
Nine days until my next ultrasound.
*sigh*