2005-01-03
I have wanted a tummy tuck for a long time now. I've looked at pictures on abdominioplasty web sites, staring at the amazing pictures of flabby, flappy aprons disappear into tight, sexy tummies all the while thinking that that is exactly what I want! Sexy, flat abs that I could show off! No more flapity belly when I run for something! This has been a major discussion between E and I and we agreed that when the time was right and I had finally lost the weight, we would come up with the money for the surgery to be done.One day a while ago, while day dreaming of a better body, it hit me that if I get a tummy tuck, they would most likely cut off my c-section scar. I don't want to lose that precious part of me.
There are women out there that I have read about and talk to that feel disappointed that they had a c-section instead of a vaginal birth. They feel like they failed in some way. And while I can appreciate how they feel, I disagree. Man, I gave birth! Maybe they had to cut little D out of my womb instead of me pushing him out, but it hurt and it was scary just the same as a vag birth. The worry that I'd be ok and most of all that my baby would be ok was the same too. I don't feel like less of a mother or less love for my son because I don't have episiotomy scaring or bladder problems (!). I'm fine with the way he was born and it will always be one of the best days of my life.
I don't know if I could lose that scar. It is such a part of me. Sure, no one can see it as it is hiding under my belly and it is so faint that even I can barely see it when I look, but every once in a while the right side of it will ping and itch and it takes me back to that sweet, scary day in May. The day my life changed forever.
Who knows, maybe one day I'll want that flat tummy. But if that time ever comes I know that the decision will be a little more sentimental than I thought it would be.