2003-08-04
I have a bad, bad habit that crept up on me today. This habit has been with me since I can remember and it has got to end!Sneaking food!
I do not know what comes over me. Today I saw my husband�s chili dog and had to sneak a bite. This is so embarrassing to admit. I�m even hoping he doesn�t turn around and read this over my shoulder, because I would feel so ashamed if he found out.
Some of my earliest food memories are of sneaking food. I would sneak food when I knew my parents were sleeping. I would sneak seconds when they weren�t looking, or I would shovel food in my mouth really quick when I would clean up dishes after dinner. Now as an adult I do the same thing. Why?
I do know that I get a little guilty-adrenaline rush from it, probably the same kind that a child gets from stealing candy from a store. At the time, I can�t help it, I just have to have that bite of food, taste it, but in the end, I don�t feel good about what I did. I feel out of control and stupid. Mostly, I feel ashamed and disappointed with myself.
I have a quote somewhere that reads: �If you feel you have to sneak it, maybe you shouldn�t be eating it�. Yeah, no duh. But how do you stop? How do you get it into your mind that you don�t need to hurriedly cram that piece of food in your mouth? I don�t know yet, but I to make it my goal to find out.
The day was a success, (other than the above) and I did pretty well with my eating. I�m starting to worry about my upcoming PMS week. Yes, the whole week. It�s usually a binge fest. But, I�ll deal with it when it gets closer.
Food:
Breakfast: Slimfast
Lunch: Lite Pastrami and Turkey on rye, with Just 2 Good mayo and lettuce. Cottage cheese with fruit cocktail.
Dinner: Turkey burger with same mayo, ketchup, mustard, lettuce, tomato and a salad on the side. Snuck a bite of chilidog. Yes, I did count that in!
Calories: 1169
Fat: 32%. Carbs: 45%. Protein: 23%.
I think I need to keep my calories up to 1600. I don�t want my body to think I am starving myself and hang on to my fat!